To the one who has hurt me

Nobody said life was fair. Nor did anybody say it was going to be easy. Hence, we get our share of pains and heartbreaks. Perhaps pain is necessary for us to be stronger. Maybe we had to be hurt in order to have time and reason to look deep into our hearts.

I don't know. Frankly, I'm still confused. I want to hold on to the thought that everything has a purpose for happening. That God will never let us experience something we won't be able to handle.

But slowly, I'm losing control of my mind. My heart and feelings are getting the better of me. And as I prepare myself to jump into the waters of temparary madness, I come across this letter.

Funny. It seems to capture exactly how I feel at this very moment.

How I wish I could get the person who has hurt me to read it, too.


A Letter to the One that Has Hurt Me

Hi….

I am thinking of a lot of things right now...things that I haven’t thought of before…and things that I’ve grown tired of thinking about.

I am wondering at this very moment of how you are…what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you’re thinking, and what you’re feeling.

I am wondering where I am in your life…

Am I pushed back to the past, lingering in the present, hoped for in the future, or locked away in forgotten places?

I have a lot of things to tell you that probably don’t have any ounce of worth to your life right now, but the need to tell you this is important for me. I do not expect for you to give importance to it. I am doing this for myself.

To be able to move on, I must remove every ounce of hatred, resent, regret, or pain that I feel. To be able to move on, I must empty this chapter of my life before I shut the door.

I don’t know how to pick myself up. I have shattered to so many pieces that I feel so lost and so empty. I don’t know how I should react to the world around me. I don’t know who I am anymore or what the world thinks of me.

Indeed, the pain seared through my memory that I have forgotten who I am.

Until now, I am still trying hard to understand why all this had to happen. Bitterness has flowed in through my blood. My memory constantly goes back to that painful turning point where you had to leave me. Every day I am trying hard to remember what I did wrong. What mistake did I commit this time that made you leave me so easily, forgetting and disregarding all the happiness that we’ve had. I cannot fathom the pain, the hurt, and the regret. All I know right now is to feel.

Tears have flown like a river lost in an ocean. Nights are spent weeping. Days are spent as if I was trying to float through it. Wrists are slashed, and knuckles are bleeding. My eyes have gone dry. My heart has grown numb. I feel as if I am dead woman walking, not knowing where to go. My body has successfully grown a façade that has seemingly been attached as a second skin. A natural occurrence to any living creature that has felt pain. Walls of ignorance have been my remedy. Blind happiness has been my desire. The world knows not what is hidden in me. I am empty.

This has been my state of living after you’ve hurt me. Disastrous as it may seem…I know I am surviving. Despite every ounce of opportunity to make death as my only escape, I used every drop of strength within me... to hold on to my God. Never have I so prayed for earnestly for the Lord to never leave my side. Never had I wanted so badly for the Lord to be with me at all times. Never has the Lord given me so much wisdom in the time where confusion lived in my mind.

Because of that, I know in God’s time...He will pick me up. He will make me understand and realize the purpose of all this. He will give me more than what He has taken from me. He will show me His love.

I do not blame you for what has happened to me, for you were never the first person to leave me. People have abandoned me several times that I have grown to realize that people have their valid reason for doing these. Acceptance has always been the best solution.

Thankfully, I am learning to accept this. I know hurting will slowly go away. I am learning to live as if everything was temporary, as if at any point in time anyone could just leave me again.

I am thankful for what has happened. I have learned a lot. Leaving me has taught me how to be strong. It has taught me to reach out and grasp hold of the One who will never leave my side.

So this is it probably, I have released what I’ve been hiding. I have learned what has been taught. No anger or bitterness resides within me. All I wish for you is love.

That you may find someone who will love you more than I have loved you.

That you may be able to achieve your hopes and dreams.

That whenever pain wounds your heart, you may remember that God is the best healer.

That you are always wonderful in my eyes.

That one day, when suddenly out of nowhere a thought crosses your mind, you’ll realize that I’m always here willing to accept you in my life once again. Ü


Till then. . .

The One that has finally accepted the pain and still loves you in spite of it Ü